So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
