Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
