Moan for me like Helen Keller
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
