Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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