i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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