it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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