So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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