Your face is a jimmy john
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize