Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize