i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
