oh god the rape fog is back!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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