Moan for me like Helen Keller
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
