Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
