Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
