if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
