thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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