god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
