The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's blow job season.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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