people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
