Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize