Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
