im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
