he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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