matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
