I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
