Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
