You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
