totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
