well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
