forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
