lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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