now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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