these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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