I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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