Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
