is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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