On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
