I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
