the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
