he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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