dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Couch. On fire.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
