he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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