i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
