Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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