you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
