i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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