I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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