I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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