Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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