Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
not ubering you a puppy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
