Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
