he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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