you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
