Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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