I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
