How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
