I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
