You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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