I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
