Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
