So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dicks are not precious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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