The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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