Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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