he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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