its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
