Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
