5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
