Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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