Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
