An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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