Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
