Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
whose parrot is this?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
