He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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