Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
