apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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