considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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