I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
