is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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