Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
