I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
