Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
