Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
