Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
