she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize