the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
