I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
