And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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