So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
