I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
